Forgive me not

Forgive me not;
For I forgive you neither.
And do forget my face;
for I've forgotten yours.
Do stare at me no longer;
For I can't stand your glare.
I wish not to remember;
False feelings I once felt
That bloom within no longer.

*Also from my first book of poetry, age 15. I'd like to say that perhaps this was about my first break-up, but honestly who can remember for sure. Poetry was always about me chronicling my feelings not about dates and time. On some of my later works I have purposely left out the dates of a poem because I too often wrote about different subjects and people. I never wanted my boyfriend or ex husband for instance say..."huh, you wrote this about whom? but weren't we together at the time...what are you in love with someone else?" and hence an argument would follow. AS a matter a fact my ex did "break-in" to one of my poem journals once from a jealous rage wanting to know what the heck was going on in my head and heart. I was both offended and impressed. Offended for the obvious reasons, however impressed because he thought my poetry as having some value in wanting to read it and wanting to "figure me out" from my work.**

more from the past

Love, the sweetest killer
that robs the body of it's sleep
The heart can only take so much
So there become a monk
And hear your heart beating with rhythm
Monotonous with despair

While a young maiden's heart
beats more and more abrupt
as her beloved lingers on
with musing of tenderness and fond

And now her heartbeats' faltering
Her precious prince has gone
and now she's trapped in crying
sobs spilling on her soul
Her love is dead and done.

**Another one I've dug up from my first book (age 15) looking back on a lot of these first works I find I had such raw and vividly drawn out emotions but very poor form and construction of the actual poem. Just like a teenager not willing to follow any structure whatsoever! The message was much more important to get across...it still is really.**

"Again"

Say it again
I beg of you
Your words;
A storm of jewels
that can rain on and on
forever on my heart & soul!

*this was from my very first "book" of poetry. I was 15 at the time. I have no clue for whom I wrote it for...I had a lot to say then as most adolescents seem to have :)**

untitled

I hope you keep me in your thoughts
And in your memory's grace,
I've kept you all this time in mine
You've woven into them with time.

We go through life

We go through life
Some beggars and some kings,
Wishing that we had known
The secret meaning of it all.

We go through life,
As sinners or as saints
Waiting on judgment day
To say "I told you so!"

We go through life
Some old, some young,
Realization settles in at last
That Life has gone through us....

Handmade nursing top.

My latest and very useful creation is a wrap style nursing top. After searching for a pretty nursing pajama set for myself and coming up with zip I decided that I really need to make my own. Don't get me wrong there are some out there that looked half decent, but those were also really pricey and the material used will never compare with the one I have :)
 The design is from an old Burda pattern catalog and the material is bamboo "cotton" (super soft, slinky, antibacterial and sustainable) that I had purchased sometime ago with the intentions of making leggings out of. To complete the pajama set I will likely need to buy more of the same fabric and make those leggings anyway...but I love the feel and practicality of this top so much that I am going to buy up some more colorful fabric and make a few variations. Super excited on making more of these!

 

Yep....that's me daydreaming of the ease I will be able to breastfeed my little mammoth with at night! 

"he"

I sit here now
Upset, but not surprised.
And if I cared so much
Why have I not yet cried?
Let truth be known;
I melt at all his words
So why can't he, me melt away?
Our useless conversation
Brings us to no success
I sit here now bewildered
For what of us becomes.
Perhaps I am lamenting
For what I have not done
He said so much to make me think
But he; said nothing to me.

***This poem dates back to my first marriage...I guess back to the very first scruples I started to have about our imbalanced relationship. It's like one day he stopped "getting" me or I outgrew him and stopped "letting" him in. In either case the poem was really self-confessional. It was about recognizing the moment in time when it all was not going as it should, and admitting to myself that the feelings were no longer what they were.  An awakening from self denial...at least it was on paper. I however did not think of it as such at the moment nor did I make my feelings known at that time.