Filled of Fragility

Life...you are fragility.
Each breath, worth more
Than any jewel known to mankind.
Each beat;
Worth hearing & remembering.
Each smile;
To cherish as though last.
For we are all of this same cloth...
Fragile...full, of life.

For Sale

You need my body?
Take it please-
I have no use for it.

You need my soul?
Away with it!
It's doomed to hell forever!

You need this heart as well?
Sure; it I can sell-
It's broken though,
Why, can't you tell?



*Book of Poetry Two*

Of Parts

I am of parts,
Of bits and pieces;
Of love & hate
Of jealousy & rage
I am of sweetness,
and of grace.
I am of trepidation,
I am of sin & hateful words
I am of lust,
But mostly I am just-
in awe of all these words!

Clouds Closing

The clouds are closing in upon us
And soon the rain will start
And you and I
Such stupid children
Are running in the field.
The clouds are closing in
We run and laugh yet still
With merry games and fun
We run around the pretty field
While clouds are building in.
The rain, the lightning
Punished us
For sinful childish lust
But if I must,
I'd take a thousand days of rain
To run in fields with you again.

Once Burning Heart...

Buried Alive
Burning and pounding heart
Captured in chains
The bloody throbbing veins
Torn tissue
Of the tortured heart
Tormented to no stop.
Tis' now at rest-
The beating bloody mess!

**Book of Poetry Two**

The Harlot

Are you with Suffering like me?
I know she is a Harlot
Has she seduced you too--
To lie in sad sheets with her?

If she's with you,
and with me too
Let's form and orgy this I say
With Suffering, Distress and Pain

(2001-2002; Book of Poetry Two, another one of me humanizing "suffering")

Love from a Far

To love one from a far...
is easy and discreet.
You'll' never get cold feet
By loving from a far.

You have a perfect world
That can't be touched by "them"
It is within your heart and eye,
You are the master of it!

To love but from a distance
So easy...and yet, insatiable.

A Thought

A thought ran through my mind
You were the thought!
How does that make you feel?
Running in my mind,
Making arched  loops and circles,
You're running in my mind
So honored you may feel
For thought to me is real.
And I have always lived
The thoughts that circled me
Turning themselves reality!

(2001-2002; Book of Poetry Two...I wrote this some time ago for someone, but I find it's meaning still rings true today.)

Temptress

And Death never looked so tempting
As now it strips before my eyes.
She flaunts her poisonous power
And smiles and calls for me.

"Oh come to me, you desperate thing,
I'll save you now and truth you'll see.
Life is a curse!
Escape with me!"

Dared I and answered Death;
"You please me well, my dear Death,
But Suffering has pleased me better,
And so with her I shall now go,
She is the better Temptress!"

(2001-2002; Book of Poetry Two....This brought a smirk to my face now reading it.)

Meddle Meddle

Meddle, meddle
Meddle here and meddle there
You never stop to meddle,
Meddle everywhere.

Some things are not; for you to know
And not; for you to share.
You don't stop "helping" everyday
And fill your days with "good intentions"

I'm sick and tired of your "help"
I can't "afford" to pay you back,
I can't undo what has been done
And will not wait for more to come.


(I think I've been reading too many Dr. Seuss books to my son...so sorry for the ridiculous rhymes that sneaked their way in here)

Exquisite Tongue

I love the way your tongue does roll,
The way the r-r-r slips from it,
And like an engine roars;
Your exquisite tongue me calls.


*2001-2002, second book of poetry*

Nervous Apprehension

Nervous apprehension serves me right
When rules of society I don't abide
But nervous apprehension serves me best,
I must feel so alive and full of zest.

*2001-2002 from second book of poetry.*

My Herbal Concoction

I'm trying my hand at some herbology...yes I have absolutely no clue (yet) but I am determined to learn to make something useful. This here is going to be a Sage, Lavender, Spearmint & Clove infused oil (Olive) which I will later use as a carrier oil to add some more medicinal herbs to in order to create a sort of medicinal dental salve for a family member in need. Hope it works...going to be a while before the oil is actually infused in this traditional way....at least a month.

Peace

I am at peace...
in my own skin.
Which came about,
as God's, most gracious gift.
My soul's a hopeful still,
and heart; filled love to brim.

Bespoken

Forget the stars,
Forget the moon,
Such words; for lovers are,
To strangers though; forsaken.

I know you not,
Nor you do me.
Bespoken...to another,
Will simply be my stance.

more paintings...

 

   As promised in my previous comments; here is more of my original work. These two were among the first 10 I ever painted...I've had no formal training, but I did have lots of heart in them! These are oil on canvas.

 

The pretty, the angry and the ugly... paintings from the past

Forgotten Lovers

Too many hateful lines
are written,
What is the sense
In writing them?
Too many times
One loves
And loses hope.
How come?
One turns to hate
When all
One feels is
Longing Love?
It is a pity
for mankind,
to mar with scorn,
Forgotten Lovers!

***2004***

Poison

You are a virus of the soul
Infecting lethally, but slow.
Those tasty lips are venomous
Those hands kill all they touch.

Your eyes prick those they see,
And fill them up with toxin
Your sexy voice dulls senses
and puts to sleep like poison


You are a god, no question.
Yet hurt all those that worship,
Having no mercy on their souls
You throw away, as if some stones.

Desired

I want to be the fantasy
of mine, his, hers & yours
I want to be the starlet queen
of every boys wet dream.
I want to be the fancy
of all those handsome men.
I want to be desired,
but never be; attained.

Chicken Carbonara-ish Dish

I don't often share recipes on here unless I am absolutely taken with them beyond words. So here is my latest creation which has been gracing our plates for the last month many many many times. Yes, it is that delicious!

4 organic boneless chicken thighs cubed (or 1 large breast)
2 organic strips uncured smoked bacon diced(optional)
1 large Portobello mushroom cubed
2 organic eggs yolks
3/4 cup organic extra rich heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup grated aged Gruyère Cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
1 medium sized onion chopped
3 to 4 large cloves of garlic chopped
some vegetable oil
a bit of diced fresh cilantro or parsley to garnish
8-10 ounces dry linguine (or pasta of choice)

Bring a large pot of salted water to boil, add your pasta and cook until al dente.

In a cast iron large skillet add your cubed chicken to the hot oiled skilled. Let cook until just ready (about 7-10 min) Make sure to add some salt and pepper to taste.

In large mixing bowl whisk together the egg yolks a minute then add the heavy whipping cream, whisk until well incorporated, then mix the grated cheeses into the bowl. Set aside.

After the chicken is just about ready add to the skillet the onion, garlic and bacon. Cook for another 2 minutes and add the mushrooms. Salt and pepper to taste. I also add a bit of dry basil here. You may want to sprinkle just a bit of Olive oil at this stage to make sure your mushrooms cook up nicely. Just a drizzle will do as there will be fat released from the bacon. (if not using bacon, add more olive oil) cook for another 5 minutes tops until bacon and mushrooms are nearly done and the onions are just nicely golden. Turn off heat.
Your pasta should be cooked by now. Timing is very important here as everything needs to be hot before adding to the egg mixture as the residual heat will cook the yolks. Add the pasta and the chicken mixture to your large mixing bowl and mix everything together, then serve.
The parsley or cilantro can be added now or to the plates after. A sprinkle of cheese to the finished dish is also quite tasty although not requited.

* I'll try and post a photo of this soon*

Courage

Courage is a standard coin
It has two sides, as issued.
Courageous men,
Are heroes termed
Courage in women,
is much too forward a trait.

Twisted

I can not say I loathe you
Dear god I wish I could!
You make me feel so twisted
For all the things I've done.
That day, when I first saw you
I knew you'd be the one
To turn me into pieces
Against my own design.
I hope you're happy with yourself
Although I think you lied.
I doubt, you'll stay with her
You are too weak to do so.
I saw it in your eyes,
With no misunderstanding
You'll break one day, no question.

***dug this one out on an old tiny memo note with a call back number for some client I must have taken a message for my boss on the opposite side of it at the time. Yes...I did write on just about anything! I have a ton of these little loose papers and leaflets and napkins stuck in all my little poem books and journals...I like to surprise myself sometimes with a forgotten poem I suppose. Anyway this tiny piece of paper was looking kind of worn and tired so I decided to transfer it here before the words became too obscure for even the author herself to recognize. (Circa 2003- 2004) ***

Foolish

How foolish can one be?
To burn ones hand,
And still be boiling water.
To burn it yet again?

To be a fool as such,
It takes much skill & talent!
To be so blind, to all predictable reality,
Takes courage & stupidity!

How silly can one be?
To let his heart be torn,
For surely he must see
When eyes hold so much scorn.

I haven't got the strength

I haven't got the strength
To keep on fighting you,
I'm no longer your child
Do not, treat me as such.

I haven't got the will
To prove that you are wrong
I haven't got the time,
To argue all day long.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a tricky thing
Some say they are forgiving,
While others never stoop that low.
I do confess
I easily forgive, but only
when my heart's not well.
I'm weak like that
He'll say he'll call me,
But never does the phone ring
He says he'll be right back
And never does he come
While I, so silly is my state
Wait every second for him.
That phone will ring!
I tell myself,
But never does it do so.
I know it won't,
I know you lied,
I know its not forgetfulness.
Yet I persist to be this nice.
I do not show I'm angry,
I do not show I'm mad,
Dare not I act that peeved
When next time I do see you.
Forgiveness comes too easy,
One word from those sweet lips
Makes me forget,
The torment I've been feeling.
One look inside your eyes,
Forgetfulness...
What lies?

***2003-2004***

Brewing...

The feeling's boiling still
It's not yet brewed to brim
I've no expression for you yet
I'm still mid-simmer here

With time the feeling will float up
Cooked, done, and merry to the top
It will announce its presence to me,
And I shall surely write it down!

Two halves

You are a lost and confused soul
That dares to dream forever
I am a lost and confused soul
And wish to dream forever

We are alike and yet apart
You dream of lies and live a life
I dream of life and live a lie
We are alike and yet apart

You're not alone yet, act it
I'm not alone yet, feel it
We are two halves; identical.
Yet fit not to each other.

**2003, this was a sister poem to the "split halves" posted earlier below as it was really written in response to the same individual.**

In years past gone and done

In years past gone and done
I'd said I haven't got the words.
Today I have too many of them
And you to shower them with!
They say time gives one wisdom
To me it gave; perspective,
Which ain't so bad considering
I now can speak my mind.

Split Halves

My heart pangs me with shame
These words we spoke so privately
Distressed my mind and peace
I do believe the load's too big
For me to carry soundly,
I fear this is the end
I can not handle this
I want too much
And you;
A bit.
Our hungers differ,
Our paths are split.
There is no hope,
To join in peace
These two such halves;
Forever must be split.

*2003***

Taste of Forbidden Love

Forbidden Love
if taste you had,
You'd taste
like April showers,
or like the dew, upon the grass
fresh fallen from the skies.
and if you were a fruit
You'd be a grape
So innocent outside,
But flavorsome inside.
And if you were a flower,
You'd be a tulip
not yet bloomed,
The petals closed so tight
Yet its inside, the nectar lie.
And if you were a child,
You'd be the one that's shy.
For not a soul should know,
That you have done a wrong.

***2003***

more bunnies

So after much hesitation I worked up the nerve to inquire at a local children's boutique if they would be interested in selling one of my handmade Amigurumi dolls....well they didn't say no but did ask to see a sample. I worked this bunny up just for the special occasion. Hopefully she goes on her show and tell next week...or sooner. Overall, very proud of this one as it has been one of my best works as far as execution goes! Very neat all around. If it's a no go at the boutique I will likely feature it on Etsy.com or just make a gift of it. However I was hoping to give it a go at the boutique as I have already thought up of all sorts of other little fun creatures to make!

I've known all types

I've known all types of men,
Your type, with no exception.
The tall, strong slender types
With glass blue eyes;
I've known your type.
With public confidence galore,
And puppy shy behind closed door.
Most sweet, and tender hands at dusk
And masculine, for public eye, at dawn.
I know your type,
I know it all too well...

Monday Afternoon

So many eyes,
So many legs.
Just going by,
Just looking on.
What are they running to?
What do they see, that I do not?
Has Armageddon come already?
Are we all doomed,
Hence why we run?
Not looking at each other,
Bumping, without saying hello.
Oh no, this is no Armageddon,
But just another, Monday afternoon!

how to crochet a pen holder basket

So, what else can one crochet you ask? Well a pen holder of course! I had some organic cotton yarn left over from the recent sweater I knit for Evan...which I have yet to post about here...so why not make some nifty knick knacks right? I put my amigurumi crochet experience to good use here by crocheting in the round until I got the desired diameter and then just went all the way up in single crochet till I completed the desired height, then I folded my little crochet basket down, added a circular piece of cardboard inside for sturdiness and voila! With all the yarn I have left over I can still make 10 more of these...or perhaps a bigger basket :)

To know you is to love you!

To know you is to love you!
I fall no short of this.
You are my one and only,
Till these lips breath no more!

I love you like a woman could

I love you like a woman could
And like a wife should love
I hold you near and dear my heart
As much as it would let me
I find; I only love you more with time.
As time; as always, is my witness.

Forgive me not

Forgive me not;
For I forgive you neither.
And do forget my face;
for I've forgotten yours.
Do stare at me no longer;
For I can't stand your glare.
I wish not to remember;
False feelings I once felt
That bloom within no longer.

*Also from my first book of poetry, age 15. I'd like to say that perhaps this was about my first break-up, but honestly who can remember for sure. Poetry was always about me chronicling my feelings not about dates and time. On some of my later works I have purposely left out the dates of a poem because I too often wrote about different subjects and people. I never wanted my boyfriend or ex husband for instance say..."huh, you wrote this about whom? but weren't we together at the time...what are you in love with someone else?" and hence an argument would follow. AS a matter a fact my ex did "break-in" to one of my poem journals once from a jealous rage wanting to know what the heck was going on in my head and heart. I was both offended and impressed. Offended for the obvious reasons, however impressed because he thought my poetry as having some value in wanting to read it and wanting to "figure me out" from my work.**

more from the past

Love, the sweetest killer
that robs the body of it's sleep
The heart can only take so much
So there become a monk
And hear your heart beating with rhythm
Monotonous with despair

While a young maiden's heart
beats more and more abrupt
as her beloved lingers on
with musing of tenderness and fond

And now her heartbeats' faltering
Her precious prince has gone
and now she's trapped in crying
sobs spilling on her soul
Her love is dead and done.

**Another one I've dug up from my first book (age 15) looking back on a lot of these first works I find I had such raw and vividly drawn out emotions but very poor form and construction of the actual poem. Just like a teenager not willing to follow any structure whatsoever! The message was much more important to get across...it still is really.**

"Again"

Say it again
I beg of you
Your words;
A storm of jewels
that can rain on and on
forever on my heart & soul!

*this was from my very first "book" of poetry. I was 15 at the time. I have no clue for whom I wrote it for...I had a lot to say then as most adolescents seem to have :)**

untitled

I hope you keep me in your thoughts
And in your memory's grace,
I've kept you all this time in mine
You've woven into them with time.

We go through life

We go through life
Some beggars and some kings,
Wishing that we had known
The secret meaning of it all.

We go through life,
As sinners or as saints
Waiting on judgment day
To say "I told you so!"

We go through life
Some old, some young,
Realization settles in at last
That Life has gone through us....

Handmade nursing top.

My latest and very useful creation is a wrap style nursing top. After searching for a pretty nursing pajama set for myself and coming up with zip I decided that I really need to make my own. Don't get me wrong there are some out there that looked half decent, but those were also really pricey and the material used will never compare with the one I have :)
 The design is from an old Burda pattern catalog and the material is bamboo "cotton" (super soft, slinky, antibacterial and sustainable) that I had purchased sometime ago with the intentions of making leggings out of. To complete the pajama set I will likely need to buy more of the same fabric and make those leggings anyway...but I love the feel and practicality of this top so much that I am going to buy up some more colorful fabric and make a few variations. Super excited on making more of these!

 

Yep....that's me daydreaming of the ease I will be able to breastfeed my little mammoth with at night! 

"he"

I sit here now
Upset, but not surprised.
And if I cared so much
Why have I not yet cried?
Let truth be known;
I melt at all his words
So why can't he, me melt away?
Our useless conversation
Brings us to no success
I sit here now bewildered
For what of us becomes.
Perhaps I am lamenting
For what I have not done
He said so much to make me think
But he; said nothing to me.

***This poem dates back to my first marriage...I guess back to the very first scruples I started to have about our imbalanced relationship. It's like one day he stopped "getting" me or I outgrew him and stopped "letting" him in. In either case the poem was really self-confessional. It was about recognizing the moment in time when it all was not going as it should, and admitting to myself that the feelings were no longer what they were.  An awakening from self denial...at least it was on paper. I however did not think of it as such at the moment nor did I make my feelings known at that time.

Before the lies

I forced myself to end it
And never see your face.
I know that you don't want me
I wish you'd let me know

Before those things you said
Before we drank the wine
Before you were my friend
I wish, you would have warned me.

You lie to me and say;
That I misunderstood
You lie, you knew!
The message you were sending

You knew, I was affected
You knew, I lost, all sense.

my oil creation

I haven't picked up the brush in at least 6 years now so this here is an old painting, however hanging very proudly in my kitchen now. I never had any formal schooling with painting except for a few private group lessons with mostly middle school kids :) when I was 20. However brief those lessons were (maybe 4-5 total) I gained quite a lot of perspective there as well as confidence. This here is one of the works I created while in attending, it was a study of a still life which were plastic flowers in this case. I think the most difficulty I had was with the background, which was a simple pink wall, however painting it simply pink was not good enough. This is when my teacher told me repeatedly "look at the wall...what color do you see?" and I would answer "pink" and then she would say "but there is so much more there than pink." I honestly began to think that either this woman was mad or that I was just going blind. Well in fact after she explained to me that everything around us reflects colors on to us and on to other objects I started searching for those other colors in the wall and on the glass table where the vase was standing. At first I just painted random colors that the teacher had suggested are there and that I "thought" were there, later however I think I actually began to "see" the very same madness this woman was referring to.......
I was ecstatic.